Some years back, son said he wanted to tell me something but wasn't sure if he should. I said I was quite prepared to wait for any decision he made on that.
He came back later and said his father's relationship with a co-worker did not 'feel' or 'look' right. He'd seen them at parties and word came to me that his father had been 'dropping' her home after work - for years.
This is simplistic. There were many other factors that contributed to our break up. This was the one that broke the camel's back.
I had noticed the distance between us. We had become nasty to each other. Truth be known it had to have been over well before our official time of 24 years.
I was devastated. Boys were raised, girls were at High School. Didn't know what to do next.
I was annoyed at some 'friends' for not telling me they had known and stopped others from telling me details I wasn't ready to hear.
I sat in the dark outside of nights and cried in the moonlight, asking the moon to not let me forget the hurt so I would not have him back if that scenario came up. Asked the moon to help make me strong.
This got me out of the house so the girls didn't hear me crying at night. It kept me off friend's backs so I didn't annoy them.
I told myself things like: you're not the first this has happened to and you won't be the last. This kind of thing has been happening all through recorded history. Its not new. Other people have survived it. Lots of people have gone on to have happy lives
So while I told myself this - I wondered how the hell they did it. They must've got strength from somewhere. They must've build up dignity somehow, they must've grown a new confidence.
That's them - I thought. Not me. Everything felt hard and raw. It was over.
I felt washed up, too old, exhausted.
So - he was finished with me. All good and well. What really hurt the most was his decision to have nothing more to do with the kids - on any level.
We packed up our stuff, hired a truck and moved to the city.